Love Came Down

Lord you're calling me,
Lord you're beckoning, this love abounding,
And I run, I run

I need you, I can't get enough of you,
I come alive when I'm in your presence,
Oh God of my salvation,

Lord you're drawing me,
I am completely, overtaken
Yes I run, Jesus, I run

I need you, I can't get enough of you,
I come alive when I'm in your presence,
Oh God of my salvation,

I need you, I can't get enough of you,
I come alive when I'm in your presence,

Oh God of my salvation,
Lord I'm running, Lord I'm running,
Lord I'm running to you.
Draw me closer,
Lord I'm running, Lord I'm running,
Lord I'm running to you.
Draw me closer

I need you, I can't get enough of you,
I come alive when I'm in your presence,
Oh God of my salvation,

I need you, I can't get enough of you,
I come alive when I'm in your presence,
Oh God of my salvation,

I run to you, Lord, I run, I run, I run,
I run to you. I run to you, I run to you.

Feelings

Do you know what I mean when I say that sometimes I don't have any feelings or emotions? I"m not in a good mood, or a bad mood. I just sit there, by myself, and think. I over think sometimes. I think about what has happened, what will happen, and what could have happened. I think about you, I think about what's wrong in my life, I think about how I can get myself out of this stage, I think about why I got here in the first place. I think about everything and anything.

It's all very confusing.

Today I spent most of my afternoon at Del Monaco winery with 2 of my very best friends and their family. We were there because this is where they are considering getting married. They are planning the beginning of the rest of their lives. I couldn't be happier for them!

Only thing is, as I was pulling out of the parking lot, I had this weird feeling. A feeling that I still am unsure of how to describe. I was so extremely overjoyed to be experiencing this with my friends while at the same time I couldn't keep the thoughts of "when will it be me?" out of my mind. It didn't matter how hard I tried that thought wouldn't leave my mind. Funny thing is that I am okay with being single and getting through my last semester of college. However, this one boy keeps hanging me up with being ok with my single status. He is everything I would want in a guy. But that's what I keep having to remind myself. It's what I want not what God has for me. Well, what he has planned for me right now at least. There are too many uncertainties. I suppose this fall will determine my future, be it a friendship or whatever, with him.

asdfghjkl I wanna know what his deal is. Like from the beginning, everyone was saying that he had a crush on me and I refused to believe that I might have one on him. I mean he's nearly 3 years younger than me and at the time I really was against it. When we first began hanging out with mutual friends I got "he has a crush on you" and "yall are so gonna happen" oh and "i can totally see it" annnd let's not forget "there definitely is something there." How does that help? I was so strong at the beginning. Maybe it was because I was in denial. Maybe it was because I was just so happy to have guy friends for the first time in my life. The more I heard the comments... The more people told me he'd be good for me... The more he and I talked about our futures... The more I wanted them to be true. The more I wanted him to like me. The more I wanted to know about him.

It's all very confusing. All I can do is pray about it and focus on my relationship with God.

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Psalm 51:10-12

Create in me a pure heart, O God, renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast your presence away from me, or take Your Holy Spirit away from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.

ways to my heart

1. love Jesus!
2. buy me quality books.
3. love animals, preferably mine.
4. deal with, accept and love my family as much as I do.
5. recognize that I say and strive to be healthy and eat healthy, but that coffee, mexican food, pasta and cupcakes are among the top importance on my food pyramid.
6. accept and know that I will in fact squeal, giggle, exclaim and fawn over any and every baby or child under the age of about 6 that I see.
7. get me flavored coffee or tea and drink some with me.
8. write me letters. nothing is sexier than seeing your handwriting on paper confessing some lovin.
9. don’t let me always be the one behind the camera, take it from me.
10. I don’t need expensive gifts or jewelry or dates or gestures. If it means something to either one of us I’m going to love it. Oh and the cheesier, the better.

One Desire

In Your presence Lord
I will find my strength
You're the breath in me
You're my everything

With my heart bowed low
And my hands held high
All consuming fire
You're my one desire

Country music makes my heart happy.

it's true.

this is good.

he doesn't even know i exist.

I'm thinking of watching Sabrina. It has been too long since I spent some time watching Audrey on screen. I am definitely in a place where I need to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's, Sabrina and Roman Holiday. Classic movies remind me that people throughout time have dealt with heartache and struggling to find what you want with people the same as me. I dunno, I just don't feel so alone while watching the beauty of black and white films. These movies are so under rated by my generation. I call them a lost art form. When movies were made in black and white, the acting and story was what was important. Not how big of an explosion can be made or the 3D addition. I suppose that's why I want so badly to see "The Artist." Not only is it in black and white but it is SILENT! I adore silent movies almost as much as black and white. "The Invention of Hugo Cabret" and now the movie "Hugo" portrays exactly how i feel about books and movies. It's why i love them both so much.

relationships.

She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25

I want... not to want him.

How can this one line from a movie sum up so many feelings? I want so badly to not want him, yet it's all I wonder about. Like, there are times that it feels so right and I could see a future. But then are the times that I dont see why he would want me. I'm not like his ex. She is tiny and absolutely beautiful. I know I shouldn't compare myself to her (or his past) because that's not fair.

I want to be the person he comes to and tells me the things that are bothering him. I want to be the person he wants to confide in. And I think, I want to tell him about me and my past. I'm holding back because why would I invest that part of me in someone who can't even text me over Christmas break?

I'm so unsure about so much when it comes to this guy. How is it then, at the same time, I want nothing more than to be close to him?

Only time will tell.

John Hughes did not direct my life.

I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.

yep.

let's add another name to the already long list of "people i know who are recently engaged"

while i sit here.

"i like unicorns."

chest pains.

How is one to describe feelings when they don't understand what "feelings" they should be referring to?

There is this pain in my chest.

It's a numb feeling that is numb but for some reason i feel like hope is mixed in as well.

Am i holding on to the hope part because i want so badly for it to be true?

Or is it because it is what is to come and i need to have patience?

There are so many points that are perfectly aligned to how i feel it should be for the time.

I get short of breath thinking about what could be.

How am i to think of a future when so much is uncertain today?

How can i allow the past to be the past so easily when i can remember it was sheer torture living it when it was the present?

Why do i allow myself to forgive the past so easily?

I've been down this path before.

I've been let down because of actions like these.

Why am i such a sap for any attention i can get?

I see the others.

Smiling.

Happy.

Shining.

"My time will come," I whisper to myself.

As for now, i have to live with the chest pains.

"My best friend is the man who'll get me a book I haven't read."

— Abraham Lincoln

Forever Reign

This is my anthem for the day! It keeps me uplifted and gives me the encouragement I seem to be needing here lately.

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

modern technology

I just spent the past 6 hours watching the first 4 sessions of Passion on my MacBook in my living room in Nashville. Let me just say, oh my goodness how thankful I am for modern technology. This conference is fantastic. I'm proud to say I am part of the generation that is being called into action for the Lord. RISE UP! I want to share about each of the sessions and the notes I took while watching and worshipping. But i'll leave you with these lyrics seeing as how it is after 1am and i want to get the posts just right :)

You revive me, Lord.

All my deserts are rivers of joy.

I'm alive, I'm alive

You breathe on me.

You revive me.

it's been awhile, huh?

i'm a senior in college. looking at my graduation date. May 5. Oh my. i'm nervous, but excited. i know that God has called me to be a teacher and He has provided me with the friends and support and passion for me to become just that. I begin my student teaching in just 14 days. I know that He has called me to this because the more faith and trust i put in Him with things concerning becoming a teacher, He guides me through. How else could i pass all 4 of the PRAXIS II tests without studying? Me? The girl who has ALWAYS struggled with any kind of test taking, passed all 4 PRAXIS II tests needed to become an elementary school teacher with high scores. ALL GLORY BE TO GOD! that's all i can say. I'm thoroughly excited to be what He has called me to be.

I'm writing this post while watching session 1 of the Passion conference. I adore modern technology right now because without it i would not be able to watch this conference i have heard only good things about over the past few years. It is because of watching this that i want to start blogging again. well, that and the fact that i found a friend's blog and it inspired me to begin blogging again. I will be posting about my journey as a student teacher and sharing how God moves in my life.

2012 seems to be the year that i FINALLY stick with all the goals i set. it's the year that i begin the habits i wish to keep for all of my days.

"I will follow You.

No turning back.

The cross before me.

The world behind me.

I will follow."

From that song i heard during tonight's live session, "No turning back" struck me hard. I've made it my motto for the year. No turning back.

No turning back to my bad habits.

No turning back to not being passionate about my relationship with Christ.

No turning back to being self conscious.

No turning back to worldly things.

No turning back to not sharing the love of God with people I love.

No turning back to being self consumed.

No turning back to being lazy in any way.

NO TURNING BACK.