Saturday, February 4, 2012
Do you know what I mean when I say that sometimes I don't have any feelings or emotions? I"m not in a good mood, or a bad mood. I just sit there, by myself, and think. I over think sometimes. I think about what has happened, what will happen, and what could have happened. I think about you, I think about what's wrong in my life, I think about how I can get myself out of this stage, I think about why I got here in the first place. I think about everything and anything.
Today I spent most of my afternoon at Del Monaco winery with 2 of my very best friends and their family. We were there because this is where they are considering getting married. They are planning the beginning of the rest of their lives. I couldn't be happier for them!
Only thing is, as I was pulling out of the parking lot, I had this weird feeling. A feeling that I still am unsure of how to describe. I was so extremely overjoyed to be experiencing this with my friends while at the same time I couldn't keep the thoughts of "when will it be me?" out of my mind. It didn't matter how hard I tried that thought wouldn't leave my mind. Funny thing is that I am okay with being single and getting through my last semester of college. However, this one boy keeps hanging me up with being ok with my single status. He is everything I would want in a guy. But that's what I keep having to remind myself. It's what I want not what God has for me. Well, what he has planned for me right now at least. There are too many uncertainties. I suppose this fall will determine my future, be it a friendship or whatever, with him.
asdfghjkl I wanna know what his deal is. Like from the beginning, everyone was saying that he had a crush on me and I refused to believe that I might have one on him. I mean he's nearly 3 years younger than me and at the time I really was against it. When we first began hanging out with mutual friends I got "he has a crush on you" and "yall are so gonna happen" oh and "i can totally see it" annnd let's not forget "there definitely is something there." How does that help? I was so strong at the beginning. Maybe it was because I was in denial. Maybe it was because I was just so happy to have guy friends for the first time in my life. The more I heard the comments... The more people told me he'd be good for me... The more he and I talked about our futures... The more I wanted them to be true. The more I wanted him to like me. The more I wanted to know about him.
It's all very confusing. All I can do is pray about it and focus on my relationship with God.
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
Thursday, February 2, 2012
- love Jesus!
- buy me quality books.
- love animals, preferably mine.
- deal with, accept and love my family as much as I do.
- recognize that I say and strive to be healthy and eat healthy, but that coffee, mexican food, pasta and cupcakes are among the top importance on my food pyramid.
- accept and know that I will in fact squeal, giggle, exclaim and fawn over any and every baby or child under the age of about 6 that I see.
- get me flavored coffee or tea and drink some with me.
- write me letters. nothing is sexier than seeing your handwriting on paper confessing some lovin.
- don’t let me always be the one behind the camera, take it from me.
- I don’t need expensive gifts or jewelry or dates or gestures. If it means something to either one of us I’m going to love it. Oh and the cheesier, the better.