Sunday, June 14, 2009

summer and a few of my favorite things.

whoa. I've been out of school for over a month now. time is just FLYING by. i have so much i want to write. so many thoughts racing to come out and i cant seem to organize them to where they are going to make sense. first off, i have set a goal this summer: to read at least one book a week. I'm doing good. finished one this morning in fact. so that makes a total of 6. I'm avoiding the fact that i want to write about him... i feel my "blogs" are reading like some 13 year old girl's journal. which, ya know, i really don't care but i don't want to dwell on those facts. the boy makes me smile just thinking about him. crap. i just did it. time for a change o' subject. my cat Little Bit, also known as Lily Bee, is right here by my side (: I'm telling ya, best cat EVER! okay could i be more lame? i think not. first I'm a 13 year old girl hopelessly talking about her crush and now I'm a 60 year old woman talking about her cat?! talk about hitting both extremes. i guess its a good thing my blog is titled "at least i can dream" because my reality so isn't interesting. as i finished my second Nicholas Sparks book of the summer, i had a brief thought that i should write a book. but what would i ever have to write about? I've never been in love... never done something extraordinary... never traveled the globe... aren't people suppose to write about what they know? ha. well i know how a heart can be broken without the breaker knowing they broke anything. um... i know that summer is the most wonderful time of year. twilight is the prettiest time of day. nothing can beat the sound of an acoustic guitar. stargazing is absolutely magical. sitting on a swing makes all things better. strawberries are the sweetest fruit. the 1950s and 1960s had some of the best music. coloring is the best therapy. reading in the sunlight brings nothing but happiness. tire swings are the most fun at sunset in the summer. three hour uno games make the best memories. people out windows make for interesting songs. drive-in movie theaters are timeless. being barefoot in fresh cut grass is an indescribable feeling of joy. black and white movies are a lost art form. rainbows can make anyone smile after a thunderstorm. sweet tea is the best thing from the south. fireflies are absolutely majestic. honeysuckle plants are the best during early summer. laughter truely is the best medicine. God certainly does work in mysterious ways.

Friday, April 24, 2009


you know those nights and you have nothing to do so you sit and think about oh, i dont know, everything?! yeah having one of those nights. i'm doing my best to not let it get me down (and let me tell you Satan is trying his hardest). i feel that if i were to rant in writing (because i've already said it out loud) it would be cleared out of my head. i'm all for that.

i hate how much i've allowed myself to like Aaron. i wasnt going to do this. no! but i didnt see this one coming. i mean, look wise not exactly my "type" but the boy can make me laugh. he is so much fun to be around. (i feel like and idiot saying this but...) whenever he responds to one of my twitter posts, totally makes me smile. also, i get butterflies just THINKING about him and i absolutely HATE that!!!! how can I feel this why and have this feeling deep down of worry that he will never feel the same in return. how can i feel so strongly about someone i dont even know his favorite... color? gosh, i could write a book about this kind of stuff happening to me. oh and to top it all off with the Aaron thing, yeah okay, the girl he was "talking" to last year lives next door to me and happens to be the most adorably sweet girl you can't help but to like. i'm pretty sure they dont have a thing any more but its hard to think that when they do SO MUCH together. Allie says its just because they are such good friends. oh! and i thought she liked Asa. Asa seemed pretty smitten around her and same goes for her when she's around him! i just dont get it! oh and christa's little friend heather, yeah she's a joy. not. i dont even think she likes me. "met" her for the 1,000 time today. yeah totally acted like she has never met me before. um helloooo are you blind? i'm around whenever she is hanging out with christa, who lives NEXT DOOR!!!!! oh did i forget to mention the fact that yesterday i was standing right in front of her and allie was next to me and she said hi to allie and asked how her day was but acted completely oblivious to me. yeah i dont know what that was about. i get this feeling she doesnt like me and i hate that! i hate when people dislike me for no reason. UGH! oh and for some readon i get the feeling that maybe heather dearest may like Aaron. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! being a girl sucks! like i hate that i allow myself to get so fired up over trivial things like this!!! i absolutely hate it! i hate how on a friday night i call one of my BFFs so i can have someone as i drive to wal-mart to buy a coloring book! i hate that. i dont even want to think about how summer is going to be. everyone i hang out with is gonna be 4 hours away! i dont even want to think about it. i'll just submurge myself into my books all summer and dream about things that will probably never happen. oh yeah sounds like a joy.

well, that is that. me ranting about my laaaaaaaaaaaame life at the moment. hopefully tomorrow i can post something extremely positive to make up for all the negativity from tonight. so fare thee well and until next time.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


so... it's been a while. my bad. i've had a lot going on this past week. but now it is Easter weekend. so i'm definately gonna have to catch up on my blogging. juuuuuust not right this moment. later today. promise.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

lala land

okay so my mind has been a million different places this week.
i wrote something earlier today that i was gonna post
i was in a hurry to get to nashville before the storms got in [totally successfull btw]
so i will have to post it either late friday night when i get back to cookeville or saturday afternoon. so yeah. . . lol

'til then

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

best monday EVER!

OMG! Yesterday, let me tell you, was awesome. Gotta say one of the best Mondays I've had in a while :)
I got up extremely early for a Monday. Got ready for the day and headed out. i had to go to the CDL to do my time sheet. well, nothing can make someone's day like a toddler saying your name and asking you to stay and play. however, i could not. i make my way to the infamous on-campus Starbucks to do some last minute history studying. well, i go to that and then lunch with Kari. i finished my 2 pages for English and went to music appreciation. i didn't have a huge time gap between music and English so off i go to Starbucks. yes, again lol. as i sit there, fighting with the laptop, a person, that always brightens my day (and mood if needed) walked in. small talk occurred and i continued to "talk" to my laptop and in doing so resulted in quite a few looks of wither amusement or concern were directed towards me by said person :) all i could do was laugh and attempt to explain myself, not much luck, but at least he laughed too. soon after, we go our separate ways.
i leave the dreaded English and return to the room. Nap time!! well, around six Allie calls and we head off to Chick-fil-a. Guess who was there? yet another person that makes me happy and quite nervous at the same time. And lucky me, the only available seat is next to him. hooray! I'm excited. I'm not hungry so i don't eat; just a sweet tea for me :) well, I'm sitting there and allie is to my left. after a while, i look over at her and she gives me this look. I'm like "huh?" she just sits there and looks away. a few moments go by and boy leaves with a few others. i immediately turn to Allie and ask her what the look was about. she tells me to wait later; she didn't want to embarrass me. of course, I'm all for not embarrassing me. i wait. but the moment we hit the car seats, i ask again. she says, and i quote (to the best i can), "well, i just noticed how flirtatious Aaron was being with you. hitting you with straws on your head. in boy world, that's flirting. i don't know why, but it is." my heart soars! I'm so happy and like i didn't, and still don't, know how to process such information. I'm still giddy from hearing that!! yes, i do realize how big of a dork i sound like, but i really don't care. thinking my day couldn't get better was insane on my part.
There is this guy I've seen like everywhere on campus, especially yesterday. Allie was planning on going over to study with corrie. i happen to look out the window and the beyond cute guy is playing ping-pong in corrie's lobby. i ask to join the study "party," if you will, and go over with Allie. we get over there and cute guy is gone. I'm like "sad day." Talk about speaking too soon. he walks through the door :) Allie had a random craving for cookie cake when we left Chi Alpha so she was carrying that and of course they, cute guy and other random boy, take notice. we invite them to have a piece. cute guy aka Shawn, sits next to me. (yes, it was only because it was the only available seat but still!) soon, they return to their game. hilarious to watch! absolutely hilarious!! well, Shawn got done playing around midnight and came and sat on the couch that i was on. hehe I'm so excited!! Allie, Shawn and I chatted for a bit, corrie joined in too. it was pretty awesome!! he left and Allie and I followed soon after.
OMG what a fantastic day, Monday!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

strange effect

i dont know what it is about chemisty. the subject. it has this strange effect on me that just inspires me to pick up writing again. be it the bordom or what, i just feel like i could write all day. poems. previous days events. future plans. song lyrics. it happened when i took chemistry in high school. thinking of it as only a way to stay awake, i ended up writing quite a few good poems that year, junior year. here i am again. enrolled in chemistry. only this time i am in college. ch'yeah. i know right? well, obviously some things never change. on to my point. here are two things that i wrote last week...

So i let it happen again. i told myself i wasnt going to allow myself to like a guy the moment i spend time with him. it's always the same; i cant help it. i'm waaaay better than i was. i actually communicate with the guy. [instead of holding my head down, looking at the ground, with my face blazing red]. i'm tired of being A girl friend [and not THE GIRLFRIEND]. i know God has the ONE out there for me. although it is hard to let the whole yeah-i've-never-had-a-boyfriend thing bother me, it is gettnig easier. i have realized that God will reveal the one to me at the right time & worrying over it doesnt do me any good. He has surrounded me with such amazing people & i'm so eternally grateful. i'm not quite sure where i'd be had i not had Allie & Corrie. God truely works in mysterious ways indeed. with the guys He has surround me with... has made me realize what i really want in a guy. that a pretty face and a funny personality isnt enough. i want a guy on fire for God & who i know well enough to know his quirks and he knows mine. a guy who, yeah he's funny and good-looking, but i want to be extremely comfortable around and still have butterflies.

okay so i am pretty hesitant about posting this next one. like... well who do i know on here that actually knows who i'm talking about... um like 2 people? so here it goes...

Okay, so i've had such a good week! spring break was amazing... returning to school has been awesome. i'm extremely blessed. wednesday was particularly a good day and OMG so was tuesday.
The weather was gorgeous and i was instantly in a good mood. i go to chemistry and to starbucks afterwards. well, Brandon was there so i was instantly happy. fortunately, the only 2 open seats were on either side of him. he sees me and i sit down. we chatted, it was nice, but he had to leave for... something... but stuck around for a bit after standing and packing up. jessica and beth ann came in and we all chatted for a bit; brandon left. well, i continued on with my day and by 7:30p i was sitting with sarah while she was on duty. i wanted to tell her about Brandon. well, the moment i begin to, he walks in. he sees me and comes over to me! CAME TO ME.... to talk. he gave me a high five :) he and i talked for a little bit and he went to his room. a little bit later he comes back through (going to the library) and we chit chat again :) Totally made my day!!
okay, now on to yesterday!! i had advisement at 8:30a so i packed my bag with everything i'd need for the day and head out. i go to advisement then go sit in the Grill. i'm in there for a good hour, probably a bit more. well, after the grill i head over to starbucks to see if Brandon was there because i needed to ask about physics and which teacher i should get. however, he wasnt there. i decide to stay and read Isaiah. i stand in line and the guy in front of me is "cute guy i see everywhere" i'm like "suhweetness" lol he goes to order and stumbles over his words. i cant help but to laugh. i try really hard not to but when he looked over at me and began to laught also, i dont feel as bad. i go to order my usual, which is the exact same to what he ordered. i walk over to wait and he begins to explain what happened. we chatted for a bit and he got his drink, told me to enjoy my drink and to have a good day. i told hime to do the same.i sit and read Isiah and a girl, Crystal, just asked what i was reading and we talked for a bit. she left and i pull out my novel. well, a few minutes later, i see someone come and stand in front of me. i look up to see Brandon smiling down, leaning against the wall. i'm like instantly in an amazing mood (more than i was to begin with). he continues to stand there as we talk and he like sees someone from his class through the window. he puts his stuff down and i tell him i've got to get to class anyway.
so all-in-all i had a pretty fantastic day, even befor i had even gone to my first class. well, wednesday means Chi Alpha. HOORAY!! we always eat after chi & [this week we] went to sonic. allie and i go, and about 12 of us went. after awhile, it had settled to about 7 of us. we begin talking and ended on movies. which somehow lead to Across the Universe and Aaron never having seen it. Movie Night! i go and borrow the movie from Kari and Allie and I head over to Aaron's. it was fun hanging out with the guys. overall, such a grand day! i'm truely bless with all of these people as friends.

well there ya have it. a week worth of chemistry writings. okay so there werent any poems or songs but just give it some time. they will come. i promise.

'til next time...

Sunday, March 15, 2009

where i'm suppose to be

okay so i have had the BEST spring break like ever!
first i went with TTU's campus outreach to panama city beach, fl
no not to party or any of that sillies! lol
we went and had their own version of "Beach Reach" [BR is basically when college students go with the intention of sharing the Gospel.] CO did their own version this year. it was such an eye opener. well first of all, i meet some frickin' amazing people. Brandon, Roxy, Lindsay, Sarah... the list goes on and on. i even got to know my friend Lauren better [love that girl... she's the one who invited me] this trip was such an amazing thing. i got to see how easy, and hard, it can be to share the Gospel. while down there some of the guys met 4 guys from Repent America. on our last night there, Shawn, Vincent, Jake and Michael bought us [a group of 34] pizza and we went with them to just sit and talk at their camp. they had a bonfire going and we sat and talked for a good 3 hours. they were such an encouragement on sharing the Gospel! by the time we were getting ready to leave, Sean [one of CO's leaders] said we weren't going to be able to go back to the hotel due to a guy having had fallen from the second floor balcony [which is actually the 3rd story] and everything was roped off... it happens that there was a beach not far from where we were. a few of us walked down to the beach and it was breath taking. i have never seen anything so beautiful in my life. hands down, it was the most amazing sight I've ever seen. the moon was full. not a cloud in the sky. the stars were bright. the white sand glowed beneath the moonlight. the waves crashed ever so softly. i was surrounded by friends. i could not ask for a better place to be in my life. we were there, on the beach, for a good hour and half. i was so blessed to be there. i knew i was were God wanted me to be.
late Wednesday night, we get back to cookeville from PCB.
on Thursday Allie and i had breakfast at chick-fil-a and then we each drove our separate ways.
i was two turns from being home when my jeep hit some ice & water and spun out of control. i hit the ditch. i called my dad and he came. he saw where i was and after making sure i was okay said, "you should have flipped" it was definitely a God thing that i didn't. nothing happened to my jeep either. NOTHING. not a thing. i might have to get a front end alignment but i don't even think that is necessary. so what does one do now-a-days when something happens? facebook status updates. well i did that and Allie like flipped out. lol i laugh b/c i know her. i called her and she and i knew that it was a God thing. she said "you always know Satan attacks you more right after a church retreat or anything that you have just grown in your relationship with God. Satan tries his best to take your happiness from that away" i told her it didn't work. it made me happier to be closer to God.
Friday and Saturday i went to Acquire the Fire. a christian youth conference. it was amazing. i loved it. i went with Jil's church, Bethel World Outreach Center. Emily went with me. i felt like she would benefit some by being there. i met some awesome people there. first off these two adorable 13 yr olds, Haley and Abbi. [i have a feeling that had i ever had a little sister she would be like these two] i also meet Sarah's younger siblings, Sonni and Schuyler. i also met Jessica and Micheal. they were really awesome. oh! how could i have forgotten, i definitely have a new favorite band; Paul Joel. look that kid up! lol
well, that is a, um brief?, over view of my spring break '09. I'll probably update... no i will update about other things that happened like... hanging out with Allie and patty and the guys. lol