Friday, January 27, 2012

Saturday, January 21, 2012

this is good.

he doesn't even know i exist.

I'm thinking of watching Sabrina. It has been too long since I spent some time watching Audrey on screen. I am definitely in a place where I need to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's, Sabrina and Roman Holiday. Classic movies remind me that people throughout time have dealt with heartache and struggling to find what you want with people the same as me. I dunno, I just don't feel so alone while watching the beauty of black and white films. These movies are so under rated by my generation. I call them a lost art form. When movies were made in black and white, the acting and story was what was important. Not how big of an explosion can be made or the 3D addition. I suppose that's why I want so badly to see "The Artist." Not only is it in black and white but it is SILENT! I adore silent movies almost as much as black and white. "The Invention of Hugo Cabret" and now the movie "Hugo" portrays exactly how i feel about books and movies. It's why i love them both so much.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Saturday, January 14, 2012

I want... not to want him.

How can this one line from a movie sum up so many feelings? I want so badly to not want him, yet it's all I wonder about. Like, there are times that it feels so right and I could see a future. But then are the times that I dont see why he would want me. I'm not like his ex. She is tiny and absolutely beautiful. I know I shouldn't compare myself to her (or his past) because that's not fair.

I want to be the person he comes to and tells me the things that are bothering him. I want to be the person he wants to confide in. And I think, I want to tell him about me and my past. I'm holding back because why would I invest that part of me in someone who can't even text me over Christmas break?

I'm so unsure about so much when it comes to this guy. How is it then, at the same time, I want nothing more than to be close to him?

Only time will tell.

Friday, January 13, 2012

John Hughes did not direct my life.

I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.


let's add another name to the already long list of "people i know who are recently engaged"

while i sit here.

"i like unicorns."

chest pains.

How is one to describe feelings when they don't understand what "feelings" they should be referring to?

There is this pain in my chest.

It's a numb feeling that is numb but for some reason i feel like hope is mixed in as well.

Am i holding on to the hope part because i want so badly for it to be true?

Or is it because it is what is to come and i need to have patience?

There are so many points that are perfectly aligned to how i feel it should be for the time.

I get short of breath thinking about what could be.

How am i to think of a future when so much is uncertain today?

How can i allow the past to be the past so easily when i can remember it was sheer torture living it when it was the present?

Why do i allow myself to forgive the past so easily?

I've been down this path before.

I've been let down because of actions like these.

Why am i such a sap for any attention i can get?

I see the others.




"My time will come," I whisper to myself.

As for now, i have to live with the chest pains.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

"My best friend is the man who'll get me a book I haven't read."

— Abraham Lincoln

Forever Reign

This is my anthem for the day! It keeps me uplifted and gives me the encouragement I seem to be needing here lately.

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

modern technology

I just spent the past 6 hours watching the first 4 sessions of Passion on my MacBook in my living room in Nashville. Let me just say, oh my goodness how thankful I am for modern technology. This conference is fantastic. I'm proud to say I am part of the generation that is being called into action for the Lord. RISE UP! I want to share about each of the sessions and the notes I took while watching and worshipping. But i'll leave you with these lyrics seeing as how it is after 1am and i want to get the posts just right :)

You revive me, Lord.
All my deserts are rivers of joy.

I'm alive, I'm alive
You breathe on me.
You revive me.

it's been awhile, huh?

i'm a senior in college. looking at my graduation date. May 5. Oh my. i'm nervous, but excited. i know that God has called me to be a teacher and He has provided me with the friends and support and passion for me to become just that. I begin my student teaching in just 14 days. I know that He has called me to this because the more faith and trust i put in Him with things concerning becoming a teacher, He guides me through. How else could i pass all 4 of the PRAXIS II tests without studying? Me? The girl who has ALWAYS struggled with any kind of test taking, passed all 4 PRAXIS II tests needed to become an elementary school teacher with high scores. ALL GLORY BE TO GOD! that's all i can say. I'm thoroughly excited to be what He has called me to be.

I'm writing this post while watching session 1 of the Passion conference. I adore modern technology right now because without it i would not be able to watch this conference i have heard only good things about over the past few years. It is because of watching this that i want to start blogging again. well, that and the fact that i found a friend's blog and it inspired me to begin blogging again. I will be posting about my journey as a student teacher and sharing how God moves in my life.

2012 seems to be the year that i FINALLY stick with all the goals i set. it's the year that i begin the habits i wish to keep for all of my days.

"I will follow You.
No turning back.
The cross before me.
The world behind me.
I will follow."

From that song i heard during tonight's live session, "No turning back" struck me hard. I've made it my motto for the year. No turning back.

No turning back to my bad habits.
No turning back to not being passionate about my relationship with Christ.
No turning back to being self conscious.
No turning back to worldly things.
No turning back to not sharing the love of God with people I love.
No turning back to being self consumed.
No turning back to being lazy in any way.