chest pains.

How is one to describe feelings when they don't understand what "feelings" they should be referring to?

There is this pain in my chest.

It's a numb feeling that is numb but for some reason i feel like hope is mixed in as well.

Am i holding on to the hope part because i want so badly for it to be true?

Or is it because it is what is to come and i need to have patience?

There are so many points that are perfectly aligned to how i feel it should be for the time.

I get short of breath thinking about what could be.

How am i to think of a future when so much is uncertain today?

How can i allow the past to be the past so easily when i can remember it was sheer torture living it when it was the present?

Why do i allow myself to forgive the past so easily?

I've been down this path before.

I've been let down because of actions like these.

Why am i such a sap for any attention i can get?

I see the others.

Smiling.

Happy.

Shining.

"My time will come," I whisper to myself.

As for now, i have to live with the chest pains.

"My best friend is the man who'll get me a book I haven't read."

— Abraham Lincoln

Forever Reign

This is my anthem for the day! It keeps me uplifted and gives me the encouragement I seem to be needing here lately.

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

modern technology

I just spent the past 6 hours watching the first 4 sessions of Passion on my MacBook in my living room in Nashville. Let me just say, oh my goodness how thankful I am for modern technology. This conference is fantastic. I'm proud to say I am part of the generation that is being called into action for the Lord. RISE UP! I want to share about each of the sessions and the notes I took while watching and worshipping. But i'll leave you with these lyrics seeing as how it is after 1am and i want to get the posts just right :)

You revive me, Lord.

All my deserts are rivers of joy.

I'm alive, I'm alive

You breathe on me.

You revive me.

it's been awhile, huh?

i'm a senior in college. looking at my graduation date. May 5. Oh my. i'm nervous, but excited. i know that God has called me to be a teacher and He has provided me with the friends and support and passion for me to become just that. I begin my student teaching in just 14 days. I know that He has called me to this because the more faith and trust i put in Him with things concerning becoming a teacher, He guides me through. How else could i pass all 4 of the PRAXIS II tests without studying? Me? The girl who has ALWAYS struggled with any kind of test taking, passed all 4 PRAXIS II tests needed to become an elementary school teacher with high scores. ALL GLORY BE TO GOD! that's all i can say. I'm thoroughly excited to be what He has called me to be.

I'm writing this post while watching session 1 of the Passion conference. I adore modern technology right now because without it i would not be able to watch this conference i have heard only good things about over the past few years. It is because of watching this that i want to start blogging again. well, that and the fact that i found a friend's blog and it inspired me to begin blogging again. I will be posting about my journey as a student teacher and sharing how God moves in my life.

2012 seems to be the year that i FINALLY stick with all the goals i set. it's the year that i begin the habits i wish to keep for all of my days.

"I will follow You.

No turning back.

The cross before me.

The world behind me.

I will follow."

From that song i heard during tonight's live session, "No turning back" struck me hard. I've made it my motto for the year. No turning back.

No turning back to my bad habits.

No turning back to not being passionate about my relationship with Christ.

No turning back to being self conscious.

No turning back to worldly things.

No turning back to not sharing the love of God with people I love.

No turning back to being self consumed.

No turning back to being lazy in any way.

NO TURNING BACK.

summer and a few of my favorite things.

whoa. I've been out of school for over a month now. time is just FLYING by. i have so much i want to write. so many thoughts racing to come out and i cant seem to organize them to where they are going to make sense. first off, i have set a goal this summer: to read at least one book a week. I'm doing good. finished one this morning in fact. so that makes a total of 6. I'm avoiding the fact that i want to write about him... i feel my "blogs" are reading like some 13 year old girl's journal. which, ya know, i really don't care but i don't want to dwell on those facts. the boy makes me smile just thinking about him. crap. i just did it. time for a change o' subject. my cat Little Bit, also known as Lily Bee, is right here by my side (: I'm telling ya, best cat EVER! okay could i be more lame? i think not. first I'm a 13 year old girl hopelessly talking about her crush and now I'm a 60 year old woman talking about her cat?! talk about hitting both extremes. i guess its a good thing my blog is titled "at least i can dream" because my reality so isn't interesting. as i finished my second Nicholas Sparks book of the summer, i had a brief thought that i should write a book. but what would i ever have to write about? I've never been in love... never done something extraordinary... never traveled the globe... aren't people suppose to write about what they know? ha. well i know how a heart can be broken without the breaker knowing they broke anything. um... i know that summer is the most wonderful time of year. twilight is the prettiest time of day. nothing can beat the sound of an acoustic guitar. stargazing is absolutely magical. sitting on a swing makes all things better. strawberries are the sweetest fruit. the 1950s and 1960s had some of the best music. coloring is the best therapy. reading in the sunlight brings nothing but happiness. tire swings are the most fun at sunset in the summer. three hour uno games make the best memories. people out windows make for interesting songs. drive-in movie theaters are timeless. being barefoot in fresh cut grass is an indescribable feeling of joy. black and white movies are a lost art form. rainbows can make anyone smile after a thunderstorm. sweet tea is the best thing from the south. fireflies are absolutely majestic. honeysuckle plants are the best during early summer. laughter truely is the best medicine. God certainly does work in mysterious ways.