this is good.

he doesn't even know i exist.

I'm thinking of watching Sabrina. It has been too long since I spent some time watching Audrey on screen. I am definitely in a place where I need to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's, Sabrina and Roman Holiday. Classic movies remind me that people throughout time have dealt with heartache and struggling to find what you want with people the same as me. I dunno, I just don't feel so alone while watching the beauty of black and white films. These movies are so under rated by my generation. I call them a lost art form. When movies were made in black and white, the acting and story was what was important. Not how big of an explosion can be made or the 3D addition. I suppose that's why I want so badly to see "The Artist." Not only is it in black and white but it is SILENT! I adore silent movies almost as much as black and white. "The Invention of Hugo Cabret" and now the movie "Hugo" portrays exactly how i feel about books and movies. It's why i love them both so much.

relationships.

She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25

I want... not to want him.

How can this one line from a movie sum up so many feelings? I want so badly to not want him, yet it's all I wonder about. Like, there are times that it feels so right and I could see a future. But then are the times that I dont see why he would want me. I'm not like his ex. She is tiny and absolutely beautiful. I know I shouldn't compare myself to her (or his past) because that's not fair.

I want to be the person he comes to and tells me the things that are bothering him. I want to be the person he wants to confide in. And I think, I want to tell him about me and my past. I'm holding back because why would I invest that part of me in someone who can't even text me over Christmas break?

I'm so unsure about so much when it comes to this guy. How is it then, at the same time, I want nothing more than to be close to him?

Only time will tell.

John Hughes did not direct my life.

I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.

yep.

let's add another name to the already long list of "people i know who are recently engaged"

while i sit here.

"i like unicorns."